I don't wanna ride this roller-coaster...

[mossytrail (deleted)]

Believe it or not, I grew up believing I was asexual. I suppose it was my very sex-negative upbringing -- when you hear S-- described as something horrible, never hear anything good about it, it should be no surprise you repress any curiosity you might have. So I got through my entire teens and twenties a virgin, not because of being a loser, but because I never looked for an opportunity, and actually rejected one when I had it (more on that later).

At the age of 33, I was in the Navy. I formed a great friendship with one shipmate in particular, and, after about a year of seeing him everyday, I realized I had fallen in love. That really shattered my world -- DADT was still the official policy then. I'll spare you the drama; suffice it to say: he was indeed gay, but he was not interested in me, and my heart took a long time to accept that and move on. Like I said, you don't want to read the drama anymore than I want to write it.

But as I thought about it, a lot of things began to make sense. As in, why would an "asexual" have had autoerotic experiences throughout his youth? And why were there never any women in the accompanying fantasies, but only men? Looking back, I realized that, if I hadn't been indoctrinated against it, I would have known I was gay LOOOOONG before!

Well, that did cause me some regret -- I mentioned having turned down an opportunity when I had one. I was in college, in my twenties, and had just walked along the campus beach in my signature short-shorts. He followed me into the woods and kissed me, but I was still indoctrinated then, so I rebuffed him. Oh, well, now I'll never know. But no sense crying over spilt milk -- after the disaster of my shipmate, I met another man, and we had a good time together for about a month before I got out of the Navy and had to move away. I've been "out" ever since, because I have never been good at acting.